Staatenlos

In my life there have been so many surprises. My biggest concern is my ability to ” seize the day,” and taking advantage of whatever comes my way. It’s easier to fall into “woe is me” mode and focus on the obstacles I face and the perceived impossibilities.

A good example of closed door / window open occurred in  the early to mid nineties when I wanted to become a Systems Engineer (CNE/MCSE) . Back then, women were not so prominent in technology . Fascinated by the Information Superhighway,  I knew I was ahead of the game and aspired to always be on the cutting edge. This was before web design or development classes were available. Folks like me were devouring second hand books and winging it on the net.  The textbooks, CBTs and formal certification classes were very expensive. As a single mom of two,  I was  pinching pennies; even trying to create them out of the air.

Application  first, skills evaluation and then the interview: I did well on the test and was soon to meet one of the kindest women I’ve ever met. She was a petite grandmother, and a very savvy business woman. If she were branding herself today, her byline would be “synergy.” Apparently, she saw something in me and when I humbly confessed that I couldn’t afford her classes, she made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. She believed that I could teach. She offered to give me the books, allow me to audit classes and in exchange,  I’d teach the corresponding class after I passed each test the following cycle.

Even before I finished all the modules, I had a business plan and a job offer. Just imagine how it may have all turned out if  was embarrassed or too proud to reveal the truth about my finances with this compassionate woman. Angels unawares…

It’s often thought that people  pass on talents or affinities through DNA . Then there are aberrants who become masters of their craft seemingly out of the blue. Alas, here the nature versus nature theorists come into play. As a frustrated artist, then, any of these explanations could account for my childrens affinity for visual, technical and performing  arts. Both have chosen to pursue creative careers.

It was fascinating to me when during my brief encounter with my biological mother, she sent me a photo of a picture she painted and told me of her love for the arts. My sister has sent me several gifts that she handcrafted  including a sculpture that she made representing the bond we are building between the two of us. Nothing could have prepared me for what I experienced yesterday I viewed her latest video. There on the screen was a framed leaf she referred to as an “elephant leaf” on which she had vividly painted a parrot. I was awed.

What are you? Where do you come from? These are questions I’ve been asked since I can remember and still find myself responding to today. Of course this is something I have in common with many who come from blended ethnic & cultural backgrounds. I’ve observed and participated in many online communities described as multicultural over the years and viewed hyphenated identities with curious interest.

Recently, I viewed a documentary where it was stated that Barack Obama suffered some angst over his blended heritage and “chose” black when he determined that it was too uncomfortable straddling the fence. I’ve been quite defiant, often to my own detriment in this regard.

There was a period in my search for a cultural identity (even before I  married a Puerto Rican) that I became totally Latina. I dressed myself in a culture not my own because it apparently matched my physical appearance Through close associations, I became quite comfortable in the Puerto Rican community. Put on Fania Allstars today and I’m bound to start dancing salsa or merenge. Arroz y gandules and tostones are still staple foods in my home and a frequent request from family and friends at pot luck suppers or cookouts.

Yet still, I’m as apt to serve schnitzel, tempura, creme brulee or collard greens if you dropped in for dinner. I consider my cooking to be quite authentic since I’m usually recreating recipes I’ve learned from natives rather than cookbooks and have become a regular at several ethnic groceries over the years.

Although I know now, that my birth mother was Danish, I still have no definitive knowledge of where my father came from exactly except that he was obviously non-white. Over the last decade however, I’ve discovered that the community where I feel the most closely  connected has been the Black German community which itself is not a monolith and is culturally and ethnically diverse.  I most closely share a common history with the “Brown Babies” born after WWII to German Mothers and Black fathers who were adopted and brought to the US by African American Military families.

My social orbit however, extends much broader .In my quest for a cultural identity, I’ve discovered that I share interests, traditions, likes & dislikes with people from many places in this wonderful world and resent stereotypes with a passion. How unfortunate that people often tend to be socially grouped by skin color and/or nationality.  People are presumptively labeled (and allow themselves to wear labels ascribed to them) by what are too often myths rather than realistic insights into their individual character or cultures of origin .

Label me yourself should you find it necessary, but for now I’m quite comfortable and have made myself at home in the margins. Invite me to your place and I’ll sing your songs, enjoy your food and dance to your music. Come to my place and you’ll find a tapestry of diverse cultures that I’ve enjoyed and worn on occasion. My home is my oasis where I can undress myself from borrowed cultural garb and simply be me.