Staatenlos

In my life there have been so many surprises. My biggest concern is my ability to ” seize the day,” and taking advantage of whatever comes my way. It’s easier to fall into “woe is me” mode and focus on the obstacles I face and the perceived impossibilities.

A good example of closed door / window open occurred in  the early to mid nineties when I wanted to become a Systems Engineer (CNE/MCSE) . Back then, women were not so prominent in technology . Fascinated by the Information Superhighway,  I knew I was ahead of the game and aspired to always be on the cutting edge. This was before web design or development classes were available. Folks like me were devouring second hand books and winging it on the net.  The textbooks, CBTs and formal certification classes were very expensive. As a single mom of two,  I was  pinching pennies; even trying to create them out of the air.

Application  first, skills evaluation and then the interview: I did well on the test and was soon to meet one of the kindest women I’ve ever met. She was a petite grandmother, and a very savvy business woman. If she were branding herself today, her byline would be “synergy.” Apparently, she saw something in me and when I humbly confessed that I couldn’t afford her classes, she made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. She believed that I could teach. She offered to give me the books, allow me to audit classes and in exchange,  I’d teach the corresponding class after I passed each test the following cycle.

Even before I finished all the modules, I had a business plan and a job offer. Just imagine how it may have all turned out if  was embarrassed or too proud to reveal the truth about my finances with this compassionate woman. Angels unawares…

Having exchanged hands several times before I landed safely into the arms of my adopted parents, there is no doubt whatsoever that it was all divinely choreographed. I ended up exactly where I was supposed to be. Unfortunately, the trauma and turmoil that was to plague my life didn’t end in those loving arms. I’ve endured much suffering, shed a boatload of tears and climbed countless walls in the years that followed,  until one day I declared, “I don’t do walls any more.”

That’s not to say I don’t still wrestle with melancholy all too frequently, but never to the extent I’d experienced before that day. Rebuking the demons I continue to battle both internally & externally, I’ve learned to recognize my angels. Some are known, others remain nameless.

Some of my angels are steadfast and loyal and help guard both my body & spirit. Some hold my hand and gently guide and encourage. Some run beside me up and down hills and valleys where we share occasional refreshment. Others simply nod or smile and bring light into my life.

If you are reading this, you’re probably one of them and I’d like to thank you from the depths of my heart. If you don’t think this describes you, I’d like to bless you somehow and help dust off your wings.